The Pan-Dimensional Adventures of Berserker
by guildsbounty
Summary: A series of shorts asking the question 'What if we tossed Heracles-Berserker into that story' Because tossing an unstoppable rage-machine into the mix is always fun.
1. Add Rage-Machine and Stir Well

**Author's Notes**

Because Berserker is overpowered and awesome. This is a random compilation of what happens when we introduce the giant rage-machine that is Berserker-Heracles into various other worlds. I blame Zelretch.

**Introduction**

The mighty being known by the name Berserker is a noble and valiant being. The summoned existence of the great hero Heracles, he was drawn into the world as a weapon and protector. Heracles was known for his great heroics, ability to accomplish the impossible, unbelievable strength, a love of women and wine, and the occasional slip into bouts of insane violence. He always meant well, of course.

The body he was granted was perfect; it further enhanced his already absurd strength, made him faster, and all but immune to damage. And, if the worst should happen, he had a backstock of lives to resurrect himself.

He would faithfully protect his summoner, he would carry out their will, he would be a hero again!

It wasn't _his_ fault that his body only came with two behavior modes.


	2. Berserker of Zero

"Heed my call, my familiar that exists in the universe. Oh, being of beauty, strength, and loyalty...if you can hear me, from wherever you are, please answer my call and come before me!"

:Crack BOOM:

Several students were coughing, trying to clear the dust away from the explosion that was supposed to be a summoning ritual.

A look of despair covered the fact of the tiny, pink-haired girl whose attempt at summoning had resulted in a detonation. She slumped her shoulders forward and closed her eyes against the shame. She expected derision, mockery, and more shouts of her hated nickname. Taking a breath, she composed herself and hardened against the jeers she knew would start any second now.

Any second now…

What was taking so long? Holding on to resolve takes effort!

Everything was silent. What had happened? Had she finally blown up everyone around her? Were they all unconscious? She cracked her eyes open to see how big the crater was, and figure out why no one was mocking her. She was looking forward, at the ground where the center of her detonation had occurred.

Feet. Huge, gray-skinned feet. With thick metal bands around the leg above them.

She panned her gaze up a bit. Kneecaps...and the bottom edges of some armor.

Her eyes got steadily wider as she looked up...and up...and up...Past a thick metal belt, past a massively muscled torso, past hands that could easily wrap all the way around her, past arms the size of tree trunks, past the gargantuan sword...axe...thing, until...straining her neck, she could see a human-like face staring down at her with a pair of glowing red eyes.

* * *

Berserker stared down at the pink-topped girl. She was staring up at him in return, eyes wide as saucers. The closest thing he could manage to a sane thought informed him that this tiny thing was his Master.

Master made some noises. Everyone else started making a LOT of noises, until a slightly less tiny thing with a shiny top made louder noises. Then shiny top and Master made noises at each other for a few moments. He didn't understand any of it. That was okay, he didn't need to. He was in Mode 1. If he was sane enough to have opinions, he would dislike Mode 1, because Mode 1 was: 'Wait.'

Shiny top and Master stopped making noises at each other, then Master stared up at Berserker. She made noises at him that he still didn't understand-but she was Master, and so Berserker understood something resembling her intent. Master wanted to be close to his head.

Okay.

Berserker moved for the first time since he had arrived, apart from breathing. He swept his left hand around and gently ran the side of his palm into the back of Master's knees, causing her to sit down on his hand. Master squawked, then grabbed tightly onto his thumb as he picked her up and held her level with his head.

She made some more noises, then kissed him. It made his hand tingle. Weird.

* * *

Louise walked across the courtyard, her gait adjusting and adding in something like a hop every few steps. It had taken some adjustment to get used to having something that shook the ground with every step following her around. She'd had to add that little stuttering hop to her walking pattern so that it lined up with her familiar's footfalls and prevented her from stumbling every time it stepped down.

The professors had not been able to figure out what exactly it was that she had summoned. It looked sort of like a golem, but it wasn't animated stone-it breathed like a living thing. Someone had proposed that maybe it was a human of some sort, but that idea was laughed clean out of the room.

She noted with some satisfaction that the teasing directed at her was greatly diminished since the summoning ceremony. Louise liked to think that it was because she had successfully performed the summoning spell, and had thus cast off the burden of being 'The Zero.' In truth, it was because she had an 8 foot, grey-skinned wall of muscle following her everywhere. It didn't hurt that said behemoth was never without that gigantic weapon that was easily longer than the tallest faculty member was tall.

Sure, she had summoned something weird, but it fit what she had been going for in her spell description. Its loyalty was clear, as it would instantly follow any order she gave it, though not always in the exact way she commanded. That first time it picked her up, she had been telling to to bring its head where she could reach it, not to lift her up on level with its head. At least it was trying to be obedient.

Strength was another trait that couldn't be questioned. The first night after the summoning, she had been leading her familiar back to her room. It was both too tall and too broad to fit through the exterior door to the tower. Instead of doing what she expected: ducking and twisting to get through, it had simply plowed right through the door frame without any visible effort.

Further, it was beautiful in its own way. It was like a sculptor had set out to carve a flawless statue to represent power, and the result now followed her everywhere.

And, above all else, it was loyal, powerful, beautiful (in a savage sort of way), and totally unique. Louise had summoned a familiar that baffled the professors as they scrambled to identify it.

This almost made up for the fact that there was obviously very little going on behind those red eyes. The familiar showcase festival was currently in progress, and her colossal familiar had utterly failed to learn any of the tricks she had tried to teach it. It could perform basic tasks, lift and move pretty much anything, and of course it had that huge weapon...but it didn't seem to be capable of doing anything showy enough to impress the princess. It mostly just stood there and loomed, looking terribly intimidating.

She was going to be on stage soon, she had to think of _something!_

Louise was so lost in her thoughts that she very nearly ran head first into a thick leg made of stone and dirt. Rooted in place, the pink-haired mage panned her gaze up…

"G-g-g-g-golem!" she shrieked.

* * *

Berserker followed Master. This seemed to be all he did these days. Follow Master around. Master asked Berserker to do things he didn't understand. They weren't related to what he did, so they weren't important. He still paid attention to what was around him. After all, Master might tell him to do something. He saw the big dirt and rock thing, and was about to dismiss it as unimportant.

ALARM, FEAR, DANGER

These feelings poured through the link from his tiny, pink master.

The big rock and dirt thing is trying to hurt Master.

No. Nothing is allowed to hurt Master.

* * *

Louise took several staggering steps backward and went for her wand. The golem was attacking, its huge fist coming towards her. There was no way she was going to manage it in time, but she set her teeth and started trying to ready a spell anyway.

A grey blur shot past her and intercepted the attacking fist. The young mage gawked in disbelief as her familiar darted forward at a speed that seemed wholly inconsistent with its massive size, and casually caught the golem's attack with its free hand.

A thought surged into her mind; it was not composed of words, but carried a clear message. Her response was to cry out, "Kill it!"

* * *

'Kill,' finally Master had told Berserker to do something he understood.

**Mode 2: Hyperviolence.**

* * *

The air shook as Louise's normally silent familiar unleashed a shattering roar of challenge and surged forward, readying the massive weapon it carried.

The golem lashed out again, sending several tons of stone directly at its charging foe. The blow connected squarely...and the golem's fist exploded into rubble as it came into contact with an unstoppable force.

The diminutive mage stared in slack-jawed awe as the beast she had summoned plowed right through the golem's defenses and landed a single rising blow to the golem's torso with its massive sword. The blade cut half-way through the golem before the sheer force of the blow caught up with the golem and hurled it into the sky.

Howling in unbridled rage, her grey giant leapt into the air to give chase to the ballistic golem.

* * *

"Let's see, next up to show her familiar is Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière."

Silence for a moment, as everyone waited for the notorious 'Louise the Zero' to take the stage.

"Louise?"

The crowd began to murmur, looking around.

"Lou-"

The speaker was cut off as Louise's familiar, riding a massive Earth Golem inexplicably fell out of the sky and demolished the stage. Still howling in fury, the grey giant seized the golem by its remaining arm and flipped the multiple-ton construct into the air, over the familiar's head, and into the ground with a resounding impact. Again and again, the berserk familiar slammed the golem into the ground. When the construct's arm finally gave out and snapped off, the familiar of the so-called 'Zero' simply set about beating the golem into dust with its own appendage.

The crowd could only stare in shell-shocked wonder as the massive familiar wreaked its havoc.

Louise dashed into the courtyard just in time to see her familiar hurl the last remaining chunk of golem at the academy wall, where it shattered into powder. The giant then began looking around. Louise realized with no small amount of worry that her familiar was looking for something else to obliterate.

Frantically, she yelled, "Familiar! Enough!"

Instantly, the grey giant froze, gave one last rumbling growl, and then relaxed. It walked over to retrieve its massive weapon, then resumed its accustomed place behind its Master.

The tiny mage's shoulders slumped down in relief...thankful that her familiar was still obedient, even in the midst of a destructive rampage. Hesitantly, she started walking towards the compacted pile of rubble that used to be a stage. It looked like she and her familiar had something in common...a propensity for collateral damage.

With a sigh, she stopped in front of the crowd...all of which but the princess's guards were still frozen in shock, or had fainted outright.

"Uh-um." she began, curtseying lightly. "This is my familiar. His name is…" she trailed off for a moment as a word sprang unbidden to her mind...

"Berserker."


End file.
